How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
