All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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