i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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