not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
