The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
