I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
