I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
