I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
