I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
