But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he puts the penis in happiness.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
