Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
