My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
