so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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