We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
