Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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