Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
