so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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