so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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