Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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