I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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