he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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