Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
