I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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