In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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