No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
