I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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