Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
