By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
