if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
