i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
