I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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