I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
