how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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