Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
