this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
