I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
