I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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