oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
