Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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