explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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