i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
