The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
