just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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