wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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