This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
