My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
