Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
