Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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