I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize