She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
