dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
